Make talk about suicide part of the family discussion with teens

Brave and engaged parents make time in their family life for wide-ranging discussions about college, grades, dating, sex, gun violence, grief and loss, race and identity, but often struggle to give themselves permission to speak to their teenagers about suicide.

Suicide among teenagers has increased in our country. A recent UCLA Health blog reported that suicide is the second-leading cause of death among people 15-24 years old in the United States. And we have all seen young athletes in college who excel at their favored sport, appear to have their future all figured out, come from loving and supportive homes with parents who are engaged and communicate well, in newspaper headlines when they die by suicide, leaving their families to grieve the sudden and devastating end to their child's life.

A young person who is contemplating suicide will often show no outward signs of withdrawal, depression, isolation, or sadness. They believe their suicide plans have given them a sense of freedom and control over the internal pain and suffering, often lifting their moods, and providing their loved ones with the appearance of a trouble-free life. We cannot predict or sense when suicide is coming.

As a parent of two young adults who works in the mental health profession, I know that my family is not safe from suicide. I know that the burdens and stress of doing well in school, getting those perfect grades and high test scores, struggling with teachers who are less than qualified and don't have the skills to connect with much less teach complicated subjects, as well as the struggle to belong and find lasting relationships creates unhealthy stressors that my children may need help and support with.

I have worked through the years to create an open door mindset with my children, allowing them to discuss anything (no off-limits topics) they wish. And I always remind myself to use my listening skills, to come from a place of curiosity and not judgment, and to allow THEM to guide the conversation.

I too am not afraid to bring up topics that are difficult with my kids. The more we normalize conversations on tough subjects such as drugs, suicide, sex, race and identity, death and loss, money/debt, or whatever life throws at us, the more normal it will be for our kids to seek us out for help with whatever struggles they encounter! They will also grow into the adults who have relationships built on the principle that no topic is off the table and no one view is the "right" view. No problem(s) is insurmountable as long as we can discuss it, find support for our evolving views, and gain insight into our own values, wants, and needs.

I encourage parents with teenagers in high school and older to begin as early as possible to normalize those conversations about life's inevitable struggles, hardships, loss, and mistakes and let your children explore their own beliefs with you. It will pay dividends for them, for your relationship with them, and help them open difficult discussions up with those they trust, including about thoughts of suicide. Reach out if I can help - I love working with older adolescents, young adults, and any parent who wants help navigating those years with their children.