Teenagers are difficult? Not if we let them be different.

Ever look at your child's choices and personality and wonder if he or she could have been switched by the hospital at birth? This struggle to accept who your teen is could be unintentionally sending them the wrong message and holding them back. During the teenage years, every teenager goes through a developmental stage called "differentiation." That's right - your teen is trying to figure out who he/she is apart from her own family. Is he Republican in a family filled with Democrats? Is she an athlete in comparison with two bookworm parents? Does he have a passion for art, in spite of the fact that mom and dad are both professional lawyers? This is a natural part of development that we all experienced. We may not have known it at the time, but we were looking inward to find the changes in the new generation we represent in our families. Your children are no different. And it's not a conscious, personal decision to be difficult!

Teen brains are pruning away skills and interests they no longer use or focus on. They may have been into swimming during elementary school, but have since developed an interest in baseball, tennis, or soccer. The concept of "use it or lose it" is a great metaphor for the pruning process. We cannot make our children into professional sports athletes. Their natural interests, skills, and brain development will decide. As parents, it's our job to support their exploration and natural curiosities. By letting them figure out who they really are and what they really want, they will be more open, honest, and your relationship will blossom into a respectful, supportive, adult experience.